the suicide scrooge

the abyss is a bad place to look.
there's nothing down there, but more and more nothing.
you can be surrounded by a PS3, a decent sofa,
one or two good friends, an interest in stamps,
and a few movies to watch,
but for whatever the reason or non reason,
the highway can suddenly stop,
some sort of faulty construction blue print
and all that remains
are those wires and coils angling towards the sky.

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i will say this about ryan freel.
he had guts as a player, pete rose guts

and without glorifying suicide,
it does take guts coupled with volumes of suffering
to actually do the deed and not just talk about it.

but some suicides are just plain awful conclusions
to lives filled with all kinds of suffering.
i think of former milwaukee brewer dan thomas
who admitted that he could never handle success
and took to drinking and pills as a player.
he didn't last too long in the majors....2 seasons
and then he got accused of raping a 12 year old girl.
who knows if he was guilty,

but he went to jail which is where he hung himself.

there's been plenty of suicides in the baseball family.
here is a partial list from the dead ball era website.

which probably hasn't been updated
because hideki irabu is not listed as a 2011 hanging.

the loss of freel a big bummer to everyone
and a reminder that who really knows what's going on inside someone.
i like the idea of inviting a down and out stranger for a beer or three.